Did I Miss a Meeting?

I’m looking for the man
the one who speaks the truth
Naivety assures me he’s
somewhere under this roof
I’m looking for the girl
the one who can’t tell lies
She answers a straight question
without those ice-skating eyes

Am I asking for too much?
Am I asking for too much?
Perhaps I’m asking for too much?
I’m probably asking for too much

It’s just dawned upon me
that perhaps I am the fool
Jumping blind into this game
without reading the rules
Did I miss a meeting?
Review of the offside law?
Decided facts were so last year
and don’t count anymore

I think I’m going to throw up
I think I’m going to throw up
You’re making me want to throw up
I’m feeling the need to throw up

Call me paranoid if you must
But finding something you can trust
is proving fruitless, fucking futile
surrounded by the sick and servile
Drinking just to numb the pain
of knowing I’ll wake up again
It’s same old shit, repeat to fade
Life’s lost and found and I’m mislaid

I’m mislaid
I’m mislaid
I’m mislaid
I’m mislaid


Earth to Dave – You’re Not Special…

Fuck me, those poor bastards living out in the Costa are gonna get a fright when the filth come for them…

That was my first thought when I switched on the news half an hour ago. It’s perfectly possible (as many of us are, myself included) to be for the free movement of goods, capital and labour while being against the European Union, an institution which may have been built on these ideals but has since mutated (whether planned or otherwise) into an altogether more intrusive and corrupting influence in our lives. The opposing view (anti-free movement, pro-EU) makes absolutely zero logical sense, but this is the position Dave takes if (snigger) he is to be believed.

Dave would like British companies to stop investing and creating jobs in Europe, wants a sort of Berlin Wall to be built around Dover so that nobody can run away to the continent’s mainland, would like to round up all those who moved away and return them to Britain, by force and arrest if necessary. Of course, he never actually said any of these things – I’m merely following the logical extension of his argument that these restriction should be placed on Poles, Bulgarians and Romanians, and assuming, as I’m sure he would claim, that his position was based on principle and neither jingoism nor political expediency.

Being serious, this is the reason that the British anti-immigration crowd (of whom there are apparently millions) regularly make complete twats of themselves. It should sometimes be remembered that although we are geographically an island, so are Barbados, New Zealand, Malta, Cuba, Tonga, Papua New Guinea, Sri Lanka and a whole host of others. Being an island nation DOES NOT make you fucking special, understood? We DO NOT have an empire anymore. We ARE NOT the richest and/or most powerful nation in the world anymore. This IS NOT the nineteenth fucking century. We ARE NOT a bunch of ‘special’ people who could only be contaminated by foreigners.

Bunch of xenophobic wankers with a warped fucking sense of entitlement – get a fucking grip…

Although we seem to have come round to the realisation (albeit after decades of mounting evidence) that we’re utterly shit at football, so perhaps there’s hope.

This complete bollocks really needs to stop and someone, somewhere needs to start straightshooting and speak the truth. There are over a million people, born and raised here, who have made a conscious decision not to work and decided that a career milking the welfare state for every penny they can is more suited to them. I’m not about to condemn them for making very, very rational choices as it’s the generosity of the welfare state that is to blame, not individuals who actually make smart and informed decisions regarding their, er, work-life balance.

Changing that will not happen overnight and needs to be phased in gradually to minimise cases of rough justice.

BUT in the meantime, we need all the help we can get from the outside to alter our demographics, improve our net contributor vs net dependant ratio and diffuse the pensions timebomb that’s around the corner. Ok shithead, you’re ruling out immigrants of working age as a possible solution to the problem, so hit us with an alternative. Haven’t got one? Then shut the fuck up. The REAL reason that so many people are against immigration to the point of irrational hatred is that it illustrates how badly the welfare state has failed our young people in particular, displays the strange fusion of jingoism, a misplaced superiority complex and state dependency that left us crying out for foreign labour in the first place.

If you want to pretend you’re special then life may become very, very fucking difficult. Staying in a hotel, getting served in supermarkets, receiving medical treatment when you’re ill and getting a cab home when you’re pissed will prove an incredibly nuanced art of negotiation if you have a fucking retarded dislike of foreigners and a sincerely held belief that they ‘stole the job’ of someone else. Of course, there IS NOT a finite number of jobs out there – in reality, economic activity either increases or declines in cycles, while in cases of economic decline, many of those who have come from overseas and contributed tend to return home.

And…do you know how many work permit applications for Bulgarian migrants have been turned down in the last six years? FUCKING NONE!! Fancy that…

If another wave of immigration brings this reality home to people, while eating away at the unfounded sense of superiority that feeds anti-immigrant sentiment on a more general level, then we might just be killing two birds with one stone. Dave is clearly a fucking charlatan who doesn’t believe in shit, but that’s no excuse for the rest of us to lower ourselves to his level.

Take it easy, and don’t let the bastards grind you down.

Here Come the Straightshooters (Part 1)

Anyone possessed of both a functioning brain and a set of bollocks will regard brushes with authority, jobsworths and jumped-up thugs in uniform as a badge of honour. I gave up on trying to ‘impress’ such pillocks and chinless wonders many years ago, realising that the concept of authority, which encompasses all manner of statuses from parenthood through management sycophants, traffic wardens and the filth, is a corrupting influence on individuals by its very nature. It creates a sense of royalty and peasantry both within organisations and on a wider level, enables whoever has put themselves in charge to re-align the world according to the contents of their fucked-up mind, forces the powerless and defenceless to adopt the perceived worldview of another deeply flawed human being, rather than simply dealing in reality and the truth.

The only reason that ‘party lines’ exist is for the purpose of deliberate deception. A world in which someone is unable to repeat their understanding of the truth is a very, very fucking dangerous world to live in – people who are opposed to political correctness solely as they like offensive language and tasteless jokes are arseholes, but those of us who understand that it is essentially a restriction on argument, which is the way to to the truth, are surely closer to the mark. I’m not remotely interested in ‘the party line’ or ‘perception’, which whenever I have heard the word used, tends to mean something that a lot of people believe but isn’t actually true – see also conventional wisdom and factoid.

An individual who is only interested in the truth, regardless of its (in)convenience is known (yes it’s an Americanism, but what’s wrong with that?) as a straightshooter. All of the genuine Libertarians I have spoken to certainly meet this criteria and I don’t think for one second that this is an accident. When your political outlook centres around individual freedom rather than group think and refuses to resort to the pork barrel politics of bribing people with their own money, a serious level of straightshooting is both facilitated and becomes absolutely necessary. Of course, this puts us at a serious electoral disadvantage as we cannot promise people as much ‘stuff’ on the doorstep, sincerely or otherwise.

As I’ve stated on many occasions, the virtue of democracy is over-rated on a fucking chronic scale, but that’s for another day.

My memory of events from the fairly distant past has been jogged by something I discovered recently. A tale relevant to the matter at hand concerned a conversation I had with an old manager of mine when I was twenty years old. I’d just taken part in something that was essentially a training course, but also had a competitive element with the top seven out of the twenty-one contestants going through to the next round, which was basically a week in France doing team-building exercises and getting pissed out of our heads (well, that’s what we turned it into). Anyway, a head for numbers and some basic abilty to communicate ideas had got me over the line in fifth place, so I returned to work with a mix of steely-eyed confidence and self-satisfaction that, if I’m honest, bordered on smugness.

My boss was a nice enough fella, but (and there’s no way to sugar-coat this) a bit of a spineless bastard. Perhaps without realising it, he shot what I’d just achieved down in flames by explaining that he was worried about certain people within the organisation who saw me as (his words) dippy and scatty. My response was to point out that, seeing as I’d just beaten some of their blue-eyed boys in a fair and even contest, despite many of them wanting a free holiday more than I did and the handicap of a rotten hangover, this analysis must surely be wrong. I also suggested that part of his job, for which he was very well rewarded, was to understand when an urban myth or piece of conventional wisdom is not actually based on reality and ignore it accordingly. There’s a word for the art of contstantly worrying about and trying to change false perceptions of you – that word is neurosis.

It’s probably fair to say that our relationship was never quite the same after that, which illustrates my point about straightshooters and their difficulties within large organisations. When perception, regardless of accuracy, finds itself awarded gospel status, the ‘feelings’ of whoever has put him or herself in charge about an issue actually become more important than the truth. One of the most disturbing elements of modern life is the vast number of sane, rational people who reduce themselves to little more than sheep on an utterly voluntary basis, refuse to engage their brains, blindly swallow what they are told and dare not countenance the idea that authority, when placed in the hands of someone who is dishonest or following a personal agenda, is the single most dangerous tool that one person can hold over another.

The problem in this context is that management jobs become rewards for consistent displays of obedience and not ability, while straightshooters are seen as ‘loose cannons’ who need to be ‘sorted out’ and brought back into line. Hand on heart, I have never, ever gone into work wondering how I can cause offence, undermine someone else, or incite a riot. Actually, I’m as passionate and committed to delivering what I’m paid to do as just about anyone. It just seems utterly insane that there should be a ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ answer to everything, with appropriate rewards and punishments, regardless of what the truth might be. I once thought this bullshit would stop when I left school, but in reality (and that’s what we’re interested in, right?) the older people get, the more childish they tend to become.

Particularly if they’re given the legitimate outlet that is…a bit of power. Don’t let the bastards grind you down.

The English Disease? Not Now…

I’m not sure it’s a smart move from one of the world’s best players to be leaning on others and telling them what their conscience should be telling them. Regardless of colour, many footballers will regard the 2018 World Cup, when it arrives, as the highlight of their career, perhaps the only major international tournament they get the opportunity to play at. I listened to Jason Brown, the former Wales goalkeeper, arguing for a boycott from black players on the radio last night, citing the ‘monkey chant’ abuse he received from Serbia fans during an international match as a particular cause of upset. Brown knew he was the target seeing as he was the only non-white player on the pitch during the game.

Being white, I won’t pretend I understand because I don’t – but I can imagine that it has the potential to be immensely hurtful. That said, the idea of Brown, Yaya Toure or anyone else as a 21st century Rosa Parks falls down on a number of levels. First up, isn’t a ‘white supremacist World Cup’ exactly what the complete arseholes dishing out this sort of abuse would want? Then there’s the deprivation of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to less than household names, who might get a lucrative move to Europe off the back of appearing in an international tournament. Finally, it’s the achievements of non-white players on the pitch that expose this bullshit for what it is, evidenced by the changing attitudes amongst English football supporters.

But there’s another aspect to this that seems to have been missed. England, regarded for decades as the world champions of soccer hooliganism, have now fallen some way down the pecking order. I’ve always wondered if this is something we’ve indulged in a slice of unnecessary self-flagellation about, since fighting within the ground, the firing of flares and rockets at opposing supporters and people actually being killed at matches have, for as long as I can remember, been more associated with mainland Europe and South America than they have with English football. Anyone who’s seen an Argentinian or Brazilian match where the army are on standby from the first whistle would be tempted to conclude that the English were just playing at it.

Watching a match from Eastern Europe serves as a reminder of what English football has left behind, while going to Turkey for a European tie is something that foreign fans do entirely aware of the risks involved. Meanwhile, Italian ultras still have connections to fascist and communist groups even now (Paolo Di Canio’s Mussolini tribute act being the most obvious illustration of this). While I was watching a lot of calcio a few years back, Juventus fans signalled their dissatisfaction at a few bad results by setting fire to parts of the ground, most notably after a televised 0-2 loss to Palermo. It’s the sort of shit that, were it to happen in England, would have self-appointed crusaders and football-hating politicians campaigning for clubs to be banned from Europe.

UEFA does not have to allow anyone to play in one of their competitions, regardless of whether or not they have qualified through their domestic league or other tournaments. Indeed, they have refused entry to clubs on a case-by-case basis in the past. So it’s worth asking why this inconsistency exists – why racism, violence, death, political extremism, rockets and pyromania are either tolerated at European grounds or met with the slap on the wrist of a match behind closed doors, when all English clubs were removed from European club football between 1985 and 1990.  Was the ban back then overly harsh, or is there a nasty double standard at work here? I’d lean towards the former, but can understand the opposing view.

If football hooliganism ever was ‘the English Disease’ then it probably follows the same line as our understanding of most sports, that of we invented it, someone else perfected it.

With that in mind, I’m off to watch the rugby league – don’t let the bastards grind you down.


Illegals – a False Dichotomy

The decision not to persist with those quite hilarious ‘Fuck off Home’ vans designed to scare illegal immigrants into handing themselves in is perhaps one of those rare instances where sufficient sense existed amongst the political class to (finally) recognise the utter fucking lunacy of what they were doing. Equally madhouse were claims that a pathetic stunt with ‘amateur hour’ written all over it was akin to something from a fascist dictatorship.

What I’d really like to get hold of, as is the case with much that government does, is a transcript of the meeting which concluded, “so it’s decided then, we’re gonna have a big van with ‘fuck off home’ written on the side to scare people into doing just that – why didn’t we think of that before? I mean, it was staring us right in the fucking face”. I’m not sure sometimes if we’ve been transported to a parallel universe, that these things are being done deliberately to wind people up, or Britain just happens to be run by complete fucking morons. I never thought I’d have to write this, but Hitler or Franco would never have gone in for something so ridiculous, would they?

I suppose this a response to the populist ‘concern’ about the country being swarmed by millions of illegal immigrants. By its very definition a precise number is elusive, but that doesn’t stop gorblimey specialists from having a go, reminding me of that old joke, “do you know that forty-three percent of statistics are made up on the spot?”. How many illegals are here? Is it a million? Two, five, ten, a hundred million? Are they all aware of each other, and who they are? Maybe they’re waiting until there are enough of them before invading us from within, starting an illegal vs legal civil war, then establishing a dictatorship of those who had no right to be here?

Apologies, I shouldn’t have said that last bit – just blatant scaremongering…

Although Paul Dacre wants a word, apparently – something about writing for the Mail…

There’s a part of all of us that loves a panic – be it a healthscare, secret societies plotting world domination or whatever. In that respect, illegal immigration is just the latest in a long line, provoking the same cocktail of legitimate concerns and fucked-up angst in most that, er, legal immigration does. But it’s worth asking exactly why this panic exists and whether or not it follows a logical thread. Part of this question centres around an IEA study that, at a low end estimate, suggested that 10% of GDP is actually made up of the black/shadow/informal economy, the very same economy that illegals are restricted to working in.

So, are the regulated and black economies one and the same, or ‘connected but separate?’. Surely it’s the latter?

Anyone who has watched Border Patrol Uk, a trash TV show aimed at making ‘legals’ feel better about themselves will have seen the classic case of the takeaway or restaurant staffed entirely by illegal immigrants or over-stayers. The invitation to the viewer, of course, is for them to conclude that the work and economic activity that has now been closed down will be rightfully restored to the legitimate/formal/regulated economy. From a rational perspective, this is complete bollocks. When you factor in that illegals have no right to welfare, the minimum wage or protection under employment law, it becomes clear that we’re dealing with two separate economies, not parts of the same one.

The reality is that there is a false dichotomy at work here. Jobs and wealth created outside the formal economy exist entirely because it is unregulated and businesses do not have to pay, as a starter for ten, either the minimum wage or national insurance on those they employ. This is not the exclusive preserve of illegals, as many who were born and raised here partake in a slice of the ‘cash in hand’ action themselves, either as a top-up to benefits or because it suits them. Rates of pay are often set at a level just below the minimum wage in the formal economy, which, income tax considered, leaves all parties slightly better off than they would otherwise be.

Sounds like the formal economy could learn something from the informal one…

If governments really dislike illegal immigration, then this can only be because it results in economic activity taking place without them getting a slice of the pie themselves – of course, anyone who spends the earnings of informal labour will be paying into ‘the system’ in one form or another, while being entitled to precious little from it in return. It strikes me that if you’re genuinely concerned about legal immigrants ‘stealing our jobs’ and plundering the welfare state, then you should be championing the good old illegal, who works in a part of the economy entirely removed from the formal one, will almost certainly be a net contributor and is just very fucking glad to be here.

Anyway, I’m off for a takeway, hopefully made by illegals – see you soon.

Gheorghe Hagi Tribute

Many thanks to all of our recent subscribers – further new and original content to arrive soon.

As a particular token of appreciation to our follower from Romania, here’s a quick video tribute to Gheorghe Hagi, Eastern Europe’s greatest ever player.

Who knows, the next Hagi might be heading through British customs in the new year – about as good a case for open door immigration as any. Take it easy.

I Could Explain

I could explain
if you were gorgeous
if you act the way you did
because you could
I could explain
if your magnetisma
made people fall in line
meant that I should

Yeah I would know
the hierarchy
reverse patriarchy
that governs these things
So all the pain
would just give way
to gnarled acceptance
that this is the way it is

But the void
is the thing
that I keep on noticing
And still I struggle
to bridge the gap
with anything less than crap

I could explain
if you were a genius
who imparted wisdom
from a place of strength
I could explain
if your intelligence
made people bow to
grasp of the subject

Yeah I’d have heard
the almost shameless
way you put across
superior knowledge
And take your word
with gratitude while
getting another beer
straight from the fridge

But the void
is the thing
that I keep on noticing
And still I struggle
to shed some light
on anything more than shite

I could explain
oh, I could explain
I could explain
oh, I could explain
I could explain
oh, I could explain
I could explain
oh, I could explain